a brand new ending

It’s time.

It’s time that I introduce you to my new site; my new chapter. I wrote a (likely too long) summary of what I’m doing here. I have to be honest … I’m equal parts scared and excited to share this journey that is otherwise known as my life.

I have so many things I want to share. First, though, I just want to talk to the kid that makes me get out of bed every day.My sweet boy,

It’s been just over a month that your life changed in a pretty dramatic way. What you’ve shown me, though, is how strong you are and how easily (or maybe not easily, but willingly) you can adapt.

You’ve grown up so much. So, so much. You are only six; yet, you have the heart and soul of a much older boy. You always have. But now, it’s more evident. My heart breaks thinking that you’ve been put in a position of being forced to grow up before you’re ready but I have to believe (and will choose to believe) that you’re doing this for us.

The fact that we live in two separate homes will never be easy. There are obvious sacrifices that come along with the end of a marriage and the worst ones are those that affect the children that were brought into that marriage in love. You are a result of love. I want you to always know (and believe) that. God doesn’t make mistakes. We’ve talked about that.

It’s going to take a long time for things to feel “normal”. But maybe it won’t ever feel normal in the sense that we knew because this is our new normal. The worst part is that I don’t get to see you every day like I used to. It’s the very, very worst part. Each time I think of something funny you might say, or how soft your skin feels, or how you sing along with the radio in my car, or how you share that special grin that I like to think is “ours”, it hurts. It hurts in a way I can’t describe. But, I know that it’s also important for you to have that special time with your dad. The really, really good part is that you’re experiencing the absolute best of both of us, and I know you deserve that. I’m just sorry the three of us can’t be together to do that.

I’ve told you numerous times and I’ll tell you forever … I would do absolutely anything and everything to make this as easy as possible for you. I know you’ll have questions. I know you’ll be confused, or scared or angry. It’s okay. I’ve felt all of the same emotions, too.

My hope is that each day gets a little less painful for all of us; that I can be the mom that you need me to be (when we’re together and when we’re not); and you’ll always know how special you are, how much I love you, and how proud I am of you.

I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.

your mama

15 thoughts on “a brand new ending

  1. You are so very brave, and I am so proud of you, friend. You are one of the most amazing mothers I know and your sweet boy is so very lucky to have you as his mama — his constant, his “home,” regardless of where he spends the night.

    I’m excited to see what this new journey for you entails — your pages are, as the song goes, “unwritten.” There’s something equally terrifying and awe-inspiring about it, but it’s your next step. Just know how loved you are and, as Christopher Robin told Pooh, “You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

    Love you.

  2. I don’t have to know you well to see that you’re a beautiful person, outside and in, and I admire your bravery for putting your thoughts and hopes and fears and faith out there so honestly and eloquently. I feel privileged to know you, even peripherally through work, and I look forward to seeing what wonderful things you do with your future. And your Pinterest projects – I’ve tackled a few of those lately, too. Addictive, isn’t it? ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Wow…what a heart-touching post, Stacy (and the other ones are wonderful, too!). You are so talented…and courageous. I admire your strength and am so happy that you and your sweet little guy are finally on your new journey. He will be just fine with a momma like you! This is a great site and I look forward to experiencing what you share. โค

  4. Beautifully written Staci, you are amazing and I’m so proud to call you my friend. Conner is so lucky to have you, but I know you feel the luckiest to have him. Motherhood is the most glorious gift isn’t it? Your end quote brought tears to my eyes. That line from that particular book is a special one between me and Evan. Hang in there and enjoy the journey. XOXOX Julie

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