not (really) feelin’ it

You know what? I am not in the mood. And, P.S. is it really December 9? Because … crap. There are only 14 more shopping days until Christmas! You can also get that info up-to-the-minute right here. You’re welcome.

I’m just going to be real here for a minute. I mean, I’m always real but I do try to find that sliver of hope that can make everything okay again. Because I want that. I want it for me and I really want it for you. I figure if you got here and you’re reading this that there is a reason for it and I really want you to just enjoy your coffee (or hot tea if you’re all health-conscious and whatnot) as you consume my words. The good news is they’re calorie-free either way so consume away.

But today I just want to talk about how much the holidays can completely suck. It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year though, right? Well, if you have a white house, a picket fence, two kids, a dog and a mom who randomly stopped over on Christmas morning to brew Folgers coffee, then yes. Yes it is.

How many of us have a reality like that?! Not that many. Some of us are trying to figure out how in the heck we’re going to even afford Christmas? Kids have expensive taste. Some of us have no idea how we’re going to navigate our ‘first’ without someone we love. Frankly, I don’t think it matters if it’s the first or twelfth, you still ache for those who aren’t with you. I still (still) think of my grandpa on Thanksgiving. I miss the tradition of spending time with him and even though I usually got the strangest gifts, it was time that I just treasured. Some of us have this perception of normalcy (the white picket fence or the Pottery Barn ad with the family in their PJs and slippers) that we don’t feel like we have and it just … it just hurts.

I think I just had to get it out there. I’m sitting here (watching Jimmy Fallon, of course) in my warm living room with the lights of a beautiful Christmas tree blurring behind my monitor and the reminder that soon, this season will be over. And maybe that’s good? Maybe it’s not. I don’t know. Maybe you’re feeling the same. Maybe you aren’t looking forward to a Christmas without. But (uh oh, here comes that sliver of hope), regardless of finances; or grief; or separation from what feels right, this season is not about being without. I promise. It’s about being ‘with’. And even if this only resonates with one of my coffee-drinking friends, let’s just be ‘with’ each other. Ok?

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