when you’re due

I remember distinctly walking into my OB’s office for my first big appointment. He pulled out this dial and started maneuvering the slides to tell me my due date. I proudly interrupted that I already knew my due date. I’d been charting and monitoring and obsessing for nine months already and I knew that my due date was February 12. Eight years ago today.

After that appointment, I was then counting life in weeks and months and trimesters. Oh, and pounds. But we don’t talk about that. And then February 12 rolled around and guess what?

Nothing happened.

I recall very clearly that February 12, 2006 was a Sunday. I woke up and thought, ‘Okay, well, today’s the day. It’s finally here.’ And then I let my what-I-felt-was-giant belly lead me out of bed and I went to church. I fully expected that my water would break as I walked in the center aisle, you know, because I have awesome luck like that.

And then it didn’t.

I obsessed patiently waited all day and then went to bed realizing that my super-accurate, perfectly-calculated due date had come … and was going. I had actually written in my journal the night before that what was challenging for me was “the struggle of not knowing.”

I think about where I was (mentally/emotionally, not physically) eight years ago and realize how naive I was. However, I can relate to that girl. I say girl because if my math is correct, she was only 21.

Ahem.

Of course I still struggle with the “not knowing” even now. But what I’ve realized is that all of my super-accurate, perfectly-calculated plans for well, pretty much anything are just that … plans. But they aren’t mine; even when they feel due.

What I do know is that there is such a thing as divine appointments. I’m quite sure I had one eight years ago. He just showed up two days later than I planned he was going to. And that was God’s way of saying, “Oh, dear Staci, I get to decide the due date. But good on ya for trying.”

So today, while I celebrate the day I thought I was due and all of the anticipation of meeting the most amazing little person; I look forward to those same feelings I felt just two short days later when He decided I was due.

… but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

-Isaiah 40:31

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