I know it’s super hard to believe that we’d only arrived at my team’s very first day in Guatemala last we connected but I also know you can’t be surprised by my wordiness by now. #amiright?
I remember that morning so vividly. I woke up to a phone call from my mom. She sounded shaken and shared the news about my dear friend Paul. Early that morning, the morning of April 5, 2013, he had been overcome when a fire broke out in his home. He was gone. And I sat on the floor and cried.
This happens every time. Well, each time? I get back from Guatemala and I simmer like hamburger helper on the stove trying to reconcile what in the actual heck just happened.
I’ve found myself in a not-so-fun game of tug of war the past few weeks … except I am the the little ribbon in the middle and at one end, the Lord is pulling me towards His grace and undeniable freedom. At the other, the enemy is like, ‘whoa, no you don’t. this girl is mine. she knows she isn’t strong enough to do the hard things.’
Somewhere around the time I gave birth to my one and only perfect child, I began running late to literally everything. Now mind you, I did not say I was late to everything. I was/am always just dangerously close to it. Continue reading
When I think about what it means to be home, my mind starts to wander a bit. My definition of what ‘home’ looks like has changed so much. But, what I’m certain of is that my heart has multiple homes.
One of them is Guatemala. Continue reading
I haven’t heard as much of the debate this year about the appropriate way to greet our fellow humans throughout this season. I find it interesting only because I swear I may have punched someone in the throat if they said, ‘Happy holidays!’ I much prefer ‘Merry Christmas!’ this go-around. Thankyaverymuch. Continue reading
Guess what? I have trust issues. I’m just gonna leave that right there for a minute. Continue reading
Ever hear a ‘no’? Like, there is something that you just know that you’re supposed to pursue and you even feel like God is like, ‘yep, totally. i’ve got you and you’ve got this.’ and then, like a giant punch in the gut, just.no.
And the natural response is, ‘but whyyyyyyyyyy?’ And i only add ‘y’s’ like that because i say it all super whiny-like. We don’t get it. We feel cheated and well, just sort of stupid because we were so sure that we heard the affirmation we needed to move forward. This happens to you, too, right? Because I’m saying ‘we’ since I don’t want to assume
believe it’s just me. Continue reading
I will literally never forget that moment. It’s funny when I say things like that because I have that brief pause and reminder siren go off in my brain that says, ‘Ha! Thank goodness because you know you’ve forgotten everything else!’ But really, truly, I won’t forget that moment.