Tag Archives: love

two roads diverged

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Do you remember that poem? I *think* it was sixth grade that we were tasked with memorizing Robert Frost’s words and why they’ve stuck with me and yet I can’t remember to blow out a candle is beyond me.

It’s worth sharing and no, I could not remember all of it. Don’t you judge me!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;



Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,



And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.



I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The Road Not taken, Robert Frost

I’d posted prior that I was sharing the mountain I’d been climbing for the better part of three years. And I’ve realized throughout the climb that so much of what I wanted to be was just who I actually am. Doesn’t that sound weird?

So I put out there that my heart’s desire was to create a community; a place for others to realize that we life this one short life in the middle. And that no matter where we’ve been, we are all in some state of recovery from something.

And since, I’ve been taking some baby steps in building this community through a number of social platforms. I just hadn’t actually shared anything here. And before my roads diverge, I wanted to put this out there so y’all on the book of face have the awareness because what I don’t want to miss is the opportunity to share with someone who needs this. I mean, can I shout it from the top of my mountain? That may be what I’m doing. Figuratively at this time, of course.

So what does it look like right now? I’m so glad you asked.

I’ve started a little Facebook group called ‘team restore•d.’ I created the group with the intention of bringing together this community to walk together in a space of safety, grace and compassion while we navigate the middle; to show how we can find peace with who and whose we are. I want to offer space to break free from past hurts, to befriend and live in the present and to have joyful hope for the incredible version of who you are just on the other side of all of it. I’m so stoked to do this thing with you. And our first order of business is going through the book, ‘The Mountain is You.’ I love it that much. And I think literally everyone could relate.

And, as I’d shared prior, so much of my story has been about a war with my body, my self-worth and with recovery from eating disorder. So not only did I create this group to build a community to share and grow but also to share about my passion for nutrition, health and wholeness. I have sought certifications as a trainer and nutrition coach so that I can effectively lead others with strategies that are sustainable and involve, ya know, real food! (and zero fads. i mean it).

I’m combining these parts of my story because they are actually related. Because it’s my whole story. And now I’m here just trying to figure it out in the middle and I’d imagine at least one of you are, too. And I just want you to join me. There’s someone I love so stinking much who shared a post in November that still resonates so strongly with me about ‘why’ I might be doing this. I just couldn’t articulate it as well.

… Our darkness may not be pretty, but it is purposeful. It turns us into brave fighters who know how to haul others out of the dark with the power of our testimonies. You really know the true power of light when you place it in the darkness. There will be purpose in your scars. You will live to tell these stories out loud. Your scars mean something. This present darkness means something. (LISTEN – this is staci talking) And someone, somewhere, might need you to keep enduring the darkness and leaning into the fight, so they can how how to hold on longer when their own trials come. …

hannah brencher @hannahbrencher on ig

Isn’t that just so good? Reading ‘someone, somewhere, might need you to keep enduring’ … that’s why.

The other super exciting thing that I’ve been working on is earning the opportunity to support people 1-on-1 in their journey towards health and wholeness goals. Our goals are all going to be unique. And I’d hoped to use the certifications I’ve gained for good to help those looking to make changes in a healthy, sustainable, long-lasting … (yes, I’m being a bit redundant intentionally. this isn’t about a quick fix. it’s not about a restrictive diet. it’s not about buying meals … etc.). I’m so super stoked for this opportunity because this app is so super affordable (seriously, $13/mo) and has an absolute crap ton of benefits (customized nutrition, effective and flexible workouts, loads of education, opportunities to track your progress and a 1:1 coach to guide you along the way. hi, it’s me!).

Why am I sharing this? Well, because I said that I wanted to make sure I could cast the net to anyone looking to become who they truly are along with me. I can’t do it alone. I mean, I’ll keep fighting for it either way because it’s my ‘why’ but it’s a lot more fun when you do it together.

And, because this is where the roads diverge. I’ll keep (or try my best to, rather) showing up here with the adorable Connor content because we can all agree he is the cutest little (almost) 18 year old ever. Nope, no longer cute. Super handsome. And no longer little. He’s a big boy.

But I’ll reserve this space for the personal and family things. And, if you’re interested in learning more about any of what I’m doing on the other side, you can find me on Instagram, in that community I shared, or, in the 1st phorm app.

I love y’all so stinking much. And I thank you for cheering me on. At the very least, I need you to keep doing that.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

more golden things

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Oh, 2020. Although it feels like 17 months ago now that the calendar changed, I remember how much hope you held. And now? Well, now I think you’re kind of a jerk. And it’s only June.

In hindsight, how many times have we heard ‘don’t get your hopes up.’ And how many times do we do exactly the opposite because, things! They hold such promise! And I turned 40 at the Grand Canyon! And Connor had a golden birthday! And my dad turned 70! And Connor finished middle school! And Alyssa graduated from college! And we were going on trips!

And that’s where that word that rhymes with zovonatirus broke everything. Because we had a grand family trip planned (after the other trip CJ and I had to cancel) to one of my very favorite places in all of the entire universe (which my familiarity of travel-wise is fairly small, but still) … Colorado. We were planning on leaving this coming Monday.

And while it is really, really difficult to put my hopes back down about a hot air balloon ride in the middle of Rocky Mountain country (wut?!), there is still cause for celebration. And this is where I’ll peel my temper tantrum-throwing body off the floor to share something really sweet.

These two? They’ve been married for 50 years. 5.0. Fifty. Weren’t they adorable? That was February 14, 1970. The day my dad proposed. And for the record, my mom was still in high school.

Now, I can’t sit here and pretend I know the secret to a staying power like theirs because … I’ll just say that I will likely NEVER be married for 50 years (yo! potential husbands! we are running out of timmmmme!). But, just like Forrest Gump, I know what love is.

And it’s what they’ve got.

My devotional actually led me to the love chapter this morning. You know … the one they read at all the weddings. I’ve been especially taken with The Passion Translation as of late and the seventh verse hit me in a special kind of way.

Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. 1 Cor. 13:7 (TPT)

I should have asked them what the trick is to tolerating the same human being for that.freaking.long but after watching them for the past forty years, I have a few ideas. I’ll be as brief as I can (grab a pencil and some paper, too. it’s a golden list. duh.)

  • You become best friends
  • You know every good and bad and even terrible thing about the other and love them anyway
  • You compromise (often). This is also known as sacrifice. Which is also known as do the hard thing sometimes because you choose them first
  • You find things you both enjoy so you can keep that date thing a real thing
  • You opt for shared interests in TV when going out isn’t an option for whatever reason zovonatirus. This might include such gems like Law & Order: SVU, NCIS, Chicago Fire and America’s Got Talent. And, when the time is right (is it ever?), Hallmark Christmas movies
  • You wear matching jackets occasionally. These can include both spring jackets as well as mauve-colored leather. I’m still so proud of my dad for being that bold
  • You share in major decision-making … home, kids, work, finances, etc.
  • You celebrate each other’s successes. And you still celebrate even if you are struggling
  • You make each other coffee. That’s a total given, right? But you also know how the other takes their coffee; which is more important
  • You take care of the other when they’re sick or if they’ve had not one, but two, major surgeries and they might be a little ‘difficult’.
  • You show each other affection. Even if your kids think it’s so, so gross. Which they will. You talk openly about how hot and bothered the other makes you. Again, so gross. But looking back, it’s something I am so grateful for (except for a few interesting moments. ha!)
  • You find out the other’s love language and love them that way; even if it feels weird and foreign to you
  • You take care of each other’s feet. And if you have the money, you go get pedicures. Together. This is an actual thing
  • You pick a side of the bed and it’s yours forever and ever, amen. And, if you’re super nice and it’s cold, you warm up the other’s side before they get into bed. 50 extra credit points for that
  • You find a comfortable couch just in case you lost your spot in the bed (that can be due to coughing fits as well, to be clear)
  • You side with each other when your kids are trying to play one of you against the other. Or you at least apologize when your daughter(s) are far too convincing
  • You know that there is literally no one else on the planet that you would want by your side for the rest of this life. And you act that way

Quite frankly (dad! lol), I could go on and on with what I’ve witnessed in a marriage that spans 50 years, but here’s the very simple truth …

You just don’t give up. That’s it.

How many times do you think my parents failed each other? I’m guessing at least a few. But both of them; both of those young and adorable ‘children’ decided on June 12, 1970 that they were choosing each other. They were choosing to be each other’s safe place of shelter. And they were choosing that regardless of anything this completely questionable and seemingly unraveling world could throw at them, they were going to make that choice to fight for the other day in and day out forever and ever amen.

Love never gives up.

I love you and your love, D & C. I pray that some day I can have something like you do, if only so that I can show you that I DO know what love is. It’s what you’ve got, even if I have to break up your arguments over how to operate the FF button.

Cheers to your golden day. And to many, many more. ❤

a fierce-hearted woman

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I read a book a couple years ago that quickly came to mind this morning as I considered how I could humbly and even remotely honor the mamas.

See, I consider myself so incredibly fortunate to have a number of women in my life that fulfill the role of a mama. To be clear, I have one mama. More on that later. But I also fully believe that you do not have to have given birth to another human to be a mama. I’ve witnessed the incredible pain of women who have battled infertility only to never have the opportunity to conceive a child. Those women (and men who stand alongside them) have the heart of a parent.

I’ve seen women who have had to carry on through miscarriages and loss near, at or after giving birth; some experiencing loss after their child reaches their teens or even their twenties. Nothing takes away their role of being a mama.

And then there are mamas who choose not to birth biological children (for one reason or another) and yet opt to pour their heart and soul into children who were birthed by another and, out of some circumstance, made available to love. (These women are true heroes, by the way.) Mamas still.

The women in my life have been shaped by many of the paths to becoming a mama noted above but they chose to love me like a mama without giving birth to me. (And I bet to all high heaven they are surely glad they didn’t get the privilege of being my actual parent. Only God could have prepared the two I got for that monumental task.) I started going through all the names in my mind and it was actually a bit overwhelming.

I’m so grateful and blessed beyond measure. I have women who have held me during intense shake crying; women who have silently prayed for me (some even with paper reminders in their own prayer room); women who have spoken such life to me that I can’t put words to it and then of course, just women who have befriended me with such sweet tenderness that they still call me friend despite my constant sucking at being a friend back.

To all of these mamas, I just humbly whisper ‘thank you.’ (Like with tears and red cheeks but you already knew about all that because you chose to know me.) And because I’m getting up there in years, I’m going to forego the actual list. I don’t want to forget anyone. But I feel like you know who you are. And that I love the crap out of you.

Finally, there is my own mom. The one who gave me life. I will NEVER be able to be the daughter I feel like you deserve. Thank God for Nikki, right? I mean, I know I have given you more to worry about, to stress over, to be fearful of, to shake your head about, to find a padded room to step into over and to likely just want to run outside and shake your fist at heaven and say, ‘whyyyyyy me, God?! whyyyyy?’ And yet, you have loved me in the way that only a fierce-hearted mama can. You have chosen to love me despite my myriad of flaws, to show me kindness when I didn’t deserve it, to fight for me when I couldn’t fight for myself, to demonstrate what a successful professional woman looks like, to stand next to your man in the dirt pile (figuratively and literally), to speak up for injustice and give generously to those who need it (even when it doesn’t make any sense at all) and to rise up from a pile of freaking ashes, dust myself off and realize that I can take another step. And of course, how to give all of that to a child of my own. I will never feel adequate or equipped. But, I’m doing my best.

Mostly, though? You’ve shown me what a Godly woman looks like; how that Proverbs 31 woman comes to life. You are her. And I will always be the lucky one for having such an inspiring example in my immediate (non-socially distant) circle. I love you, mama.

Finally, for all the fierce-hearted women out there, I want to share with you the intro to that book I mentioned … the words I take line by line and write about in my own journal. To remind myself of who this woman is and who I aspire to be. Happy Mother’s Day, mamas.